EN 
DE Drivers versus swine
I think you've all heard sayings like these: "We expect our people to give 120 percent," "We're building the perfect product," "You can achieve anything if you just try hard enough," "I would have finished long ago if the others weren't dawdling so much.".
Perhaps you, too, have already spouted these messages of absolute dedication. That's what determined go-getters, ideal employees, and winners sound like. Not true! I'll explain why in this column.
I will resist the temptation to convince you 120 percent, to construct the perfect chain of reasoning, or to please everyone. This isn't easy for me, because an inner voice, characterized by its persistent intrusiveness, keeps trying to convince me that I'm only a good Peter if I live up to these standards.
Psychologists call this annoying nuisance the inner driver. It's essentially the counterpart to the inner critic. Almost everyone has one or more inner drivers that, on the surface, seem to make reasonable demands. But on closer inspection, as already mentioned above, they're talking nonsense.
The idea that these inner drivers exist stems from transactional analysis. It posits that in childhood we internalize certain notions about which behaviors will earn us the approval and love of our caregivers. Naive ideas like "I will only be loved if I do what others demand of me" or "I will only be accepted if I am perfect" can be so deeply ingrained in our psyche that they continue to shape our behavior into adulthood. It is, therefore, the child within us that, in its naivety, attempts to achieve the unattainable.
Let's examine the statements quoted at the beginning through the lens of common sense. Before I begin, I want to emphasize that there's nothing wrong with occasionally trying to obey this inner whip. Everyone has the right to a little "masochism." The problem arises when we fall into a kind of compulsive self-flagellation that leads to the dogmatic perversion of our daily lives. It becomes truly dangerous when masochism is joined by sadism, which consists of making the same absurd demands of other people.
What are the consequences, for example, of giving in to the inner compulsion to always be strong and perfect? Of course, it's impossible to constantly meet excessive and unrealistic demands. We have to perform at a level that isn't good for our bodies and minds. But how do we silence this inner critic?
The following strategies are often used:
1. We deceive ourselves and others into believing that we achieve more than is actually the case. In this way, we maintain our self-image as high achievers.
2. We look for scapegoats. They are very convenient because we can project all the causes of our failure to meet our own excessively high standards onto them.
3. We concentrate all our life energy on our professional career, hoping that we can achieve the impossible if we just focus hard enough.
But what actually happens?
1. We waste valuable energy on superficiality and deprive ourselves of important learning processes. For example, we deprive ourselves of the realization that we can be very successful even when we are calm (or precisely because we are calm).
2. Success today is mostly a team effort. Those who make their colleagues scapegoats will, at best, soon find themselves without support. At worst, colleagues will become saboteurs and enemies.
3. Neglecting family, friends, rest periods and balancing hobbies deprives us of our most important energy sources.
In short: Overly strong internal drivers can lead to a steady decline in our performance over time. This is especially true if we try to counteract this decline with even more deception, even more drastic measures towards colleagues, or even more fanatical goal orientation. When these drivers are too powerful, they drive people, projects, and companies to ruin.
So what does a working solution look like? The most important step is to identify the driving forces within us. Once we've recognized them, we shouldn't condemn them or lock them away. They exert their greatest influence when we ignore them or take them too seriously.
They also have their positive sides – as long as they don't control us. We wouldn't have accomplished many things without them. Therefore, it's best to treat them with understanding, like children who lack life experience. Ideally, you should engage in a patient inner dialogue and deal with these little nuisances with humor.
A good method is to provide them with a calm, wise, or kind inner voice. They say things like, "You're allowed to make mistakes in order to learn from them," "Sometimes you have to let things slide," or "Hello, my little motivator, you've really got me going again. But now I'm going to take a break.".
I could write much more about this topic, but my inner couch potato has just driven away my motivator with loud barking.
I look forward to your suggestions below. denkanstoss@microconsult.de.
Further information
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Food for thought:
Column by Peter Siwon about the human side of project work
Peter Siwon: Systemic project management
